Well, I’m back.

I’ve been threatening to dust off the keyboard for a while, but I found it hard to sit down and write something snarky while everything I had built, wanted, and counted on, crumbled.

The past year hasn’t gone according to plan. That might be the most mindbogglingly generic understatement I can make here. And I know that using this space to vent anger about things that have happened, and fault, and fingerpointing at this point would not serve any healthy purpose. So I’m gonna avoid a lot of that. For the first half of the year I floated in a stagnant pond of anger, incredulity, regret, self loathing, self pity, and dare I say terror. And that was just about my blood pressure and cholesterol. #bahdumbum

Look Mum, finding a sense of humor again! (#likeyoullreadthis #pfft)

I can’t ignore what’s happened, it has placed me slowly on track for the future. And I’ve had some huge revelations as a result. A great friend who’s been there through the year made me realize that I don’t have control over anyone else’s actions, only over my ability to move forward. She made mistakes, I made mistakes. She hurt me. I hurt her. But in the end, it’s clear we weren’t supposed to be together, and we have to both go find some happiness again.

Forward.

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And it occurred to me again this morning on the Katy Trail, the symbolism of getting out of bed on a beautiful Sunday morning. Driving down the highway. Getting out of my car, and heading up the now familiar hill to set foot on the trail. To the top of the hill, turn left, and go. One foot in front of the other. Forward.

I’ll be back. I’m thinking about what I want to write about. Kids. Work. Maybe dating eventually. We’ll see. I’ve nuked most of what was here before, time to think about what’s next. I felt good this morning. Been a while since I felt that good. Getting healthy. Finding a life. Moving on. Good stuff.

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Comments

  1. It sounds like you’re doing a “reboot’ and that can be a good thing. When life takes us down a road that is dark and troubled, it is a relief to find a path that leads us back to the sunlight. Good luck to you 🙂

  2. Perfect. It isn’t – and won’t be – always easy, but one step at a time and, as you said, forward you will go. Take care, Jay.

  3. Jay… So good to see you here. I am sorry to hear of your troubles. It seems to be going around…Without sharing too much on here, I am headed into my own battles here and I gotta say, I’m not loving it…

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